Looked in the mirror this morning

and was reminded of something a good friend said once: that she always loves how she looks - even if she knows she's been better looking - she still accepts who she is and how she looks. Unfortunately this isn't really true for most of the people I know, I think, myself included - which is why I'm starting this anonymous blog to see if writing about my quest to get my outward appearance and inner expectations in line helps. The short version? I look in the mirror and I don't recognize myself. I hate it. I hide, but at the same time, I feel so much safer under an extra 30-40 pounds of flesh, because when I was much younger, being hot meant being assaulted - verbally, physically and despite years of walking confidently through the world (and don't get me wrong, even with 40 extra pounds, I'm still confident enough to get hit on) something rewired my brain so that I just like having the mass to not be bothered, or to drop kick whoever might bother me. Oh and did I mention I love potatoes? They taste like... safety, satiation and relaxation. Even better if they have been reconstituted from powder. Yay growing up in the midwest! Anyway - I've decided that by my 40th birthday, I'd like to see what it feels like to be forty pounds lighter. Here's to day 1. I plan to use a Yoli system and post at least 40 times by my birthday, which is 4 months away. Let's see what happens.